On Creating Calm with Brie McWade

EPISIODE TRANSCRIPT:

Hello and welcome to Compose Living with Elsa Elbert. I'm Elsa, founder of Composed Living, we are a Los Angeles-based professional organizing company focused on providing sustainable solutions for your home and lifestyle. Our guest today is Brienna McWade, founder of Advisory House Design. Brie is our head of Marketing, a Master Gardener, an all-around creative genius, and one of my closest friends. We're talking about the quest to find calm and joy, what balance means, and if it's even possible, and so many other wonderful, weird sidebars.

We love answering our listener questions. If you want where your organizing or lifestyle challenges featured on an upcoming episode, head over to ComposedLiving.com/podcast and submit your questions. Okay, let's get started.

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EE: Hi.

BM: Hi.

EE: Thanks so much for being here with me today.

BM: Oh my gosh. Thank you for having me. I love coming and chatting with you.

EE: Oh, I know me too. I think I'm going to have a really hard time keeping a focus on this conversation, because you're one of my favorite people to talk to.

BM: The love is mutual.

EE: Yay. So today, I do want to talk to you about what Composed Living means to you, and I think we'll just start there and kind of dive in and see where the conversation goes.

 BM: For sure. I feel like, I don't know if we need to post this disclaimer, but because I get to work with you, I feel like I get to learn and really understand Composed Living in a whole different, deeper way. And so I've tried to implement it more into my life because of the things that I've gotten to learn with you. But as a general idea, I just think that Composed Living is about having a sense of order, and I want satisfaction with my lifestyle, and that includes my business, that includes my hobbies, that includes my aesthetic, that includes just having a sense of purpose, and it all being organized. Organized mentally, physically, metaphorically.

EE: I mean, you know, I'm a big fan of organization and order. I think for me, you know, it goes a step beyond your household, right? And like you touched on some of those points. Like it's everything. It's your aesthetic. It's the way you feel. It's your mind space. If you have like a word, is there like a word that you're striving to achieve in your life, or something that like comes up as a theme? Or you're like, if only I have this feeling.

BM: For sure. Calm. Like I just want to calm, stable life, life presence, place to land, you know? And I think that the Composed Living philosophy really caters to that. It's about, it's more, it's, I was telling my kids about this actually this morning. They were so excited that I was coming to do this with you. They're like, YAY mom.

EE: So Brie has two of the greatest human beings on this planet as her teenagers.

BM: That is very sweet.

EE: And our whole family is obsessed with them.

BM: We are all very close, which is fun. They're 15 and 17, and they hear me talk about you and about what you encourage. And I was telling them that, you know, having, having composed living is about more than just having an organized closet or functional living space. It's, it, it breathes itself into everything we do. And, and having a more calm, organized space just gives us more time and freedom to have joy or silly time or family time or, you know, I'm not chasing something down for 20 minutes. I get to actually like do other things. So calm, calm is absolutely the big factor for me.

EE: That's such a good word. I love that. And I love that for you specifically. What do you feel like you're doing or are you doing something actively and like purposefully to bring that into your life?

BM: I feel like what am I not doing to try to bring going to my life? I think I'm probably doing so much chaos to bring calm into my life that it's like counterintuitive. But I'm always trying to find it.

EE: What have you found that works?

BM: I haven't found it. I feel like it's elusive. Calm to me though is, is being able to step out of my home, out of my responsibilities and like relax. Like, you know, when you go to a hotel and you only have one bag and you can live for like two weeks out of this one bag in this empty shell of a place and everything is fine. But when you come home, like you can't just live out of one bag. You need like 40 pairs of shoes and you need like 400 kitchen plates and like, how do you marry the two? Right? I want that mentality where I just need what I have with me because I'm out doing things. I'm experiencing, I'm creating memories and I don't know. So it's always kind of a, there's a friction there for me on a regular basis.

EE: Well, I think a part of that does come through, this is why decluttering is so satisfying for people, right? You're eliminating the things that are not necessary because they're just getting in your visual field, they're, you know, in your mental space. And it's also adding to the number of choices that you have to make every day. So it does become very overwhelming, very fast. I think to your point when you're staying in a hotel suite and you're living, you know, out of a carry-on size thing, at the end of that, like Chad and I just came back from, you know, 10 days in Portugal and I just had my carry-on bag. That's it. And I over-packed. I didn't use everything in my bag. And that's every single time we go on vacation. And then every time I'm like, I'm going to take less. And then I do. And it's still too much because what more do you really need than like a beautiful linen dress and a perfect pair of flats and some sunglasses and some sunscreen, I'm not, you know, getting dressed up. I'm not, you know, go at like, do you really can truly live with so much less? And when you don't have the option of choosing between 20 different outfits, you don't think about it. So it truly just becomes I woke up, I put on this dress, and now I'm having coffee with my family and enjoying watching my nephew running around on a farm, you know, like that's calm, that's peaceful. And you have to make those choices actively to set your day up to start that way. You know, otherwise if you're looking at a closet and you're like, I have so much stuff, I can't even see it all because half of it's shoved underneath or stored in bins or not even fully unpacked. You know, that's a very different way to start your day.

 BM: I find too, I mean, I have all these beautiful things and I live in four pairs of yoga pants. It's like, I can't choose. I'm just going with this, you know, and how, for me, that's boring. Like, I would rather, I would rather have, you know, more identity then that, but just out of convenience and not having to think about it. I don't know.

EE: I think that that is subconscious, right? That's your mind is saying, I can't deal with this many choices right now. So even though I want to be doing something different, and that's something different for you, like you're so creative, and you express yourself so much through your clothing and how you present yourself. But you're defaulting to this thing that you don't want, right? Because the alternative is like overwhelm of decision fatigue and all of these other things. I think we do that often, like, we're short-changing ourselves or not going after the thing that would bring us the most joy in lieu of choosing the thing that's like the easiest or the fastest. That's such a shame. Also, when did it become like socially acceptable that people live in yoga pants?

BM: I know.

EE: My mom used to make us get like fancy to go on an airplane. Like as children, like the children equivalent of like high heels and like evening wear.

BM: Yeah, that's gone. That's gone. And the pandemic even like cemented it harder.

EE: It's kind of gross. I'm trying to bring it back slowly, but also like today was the first day I put on makeup and I don't even know how long. But that's laziness. And it's not I love putting on makeup. It's one of my favorite things to do. Like that to me is probably the most fun, satisfying form of self-care is like playing with new makeup or doing face masks or painting my own nails. Like the things that I did as a child growing up in summers when there was no internet shocking, no cell phones, no way of communicating with people other than like a dial-up telephone and hoping that they were home. You would read Seventeen magazine and like sit outside and do all of the at home self-care things.

BM: Absolutely.

EE: And I don't think I have ever felt as rested or cared for in my life since then.

BM: You bring up a lot. I remember those days painting your toenails and then like waiting for like your favorite song to come on the radio so you could hurry up and push record.

EE: And I record it. On to a tape.

BM: Kids today have no, my kids are like I don't even know what you're talking about. This is a completely different language.

EE: Man the 90s were amazing. I also have made killer mixed tapes. But so much of this has come up for me lately because that is my I think joy is my word. Like where calm is yours. I want to experience joy more often than I do. And I realize, I think it was a significant mind shift for me when a couple maybe started the pandemic timing, my focus and my language around it was like I want to find joy. Like it was like a thing that existed that I could just like go to Target and pick up but like I couldn't find it or figure out where I live.

BM: You could find it on a sign at Target.

EE: Yeah. No thank you. And so I think it has shifted my consciousness around that and it's not about like finding something. It's about actually like freeing the space in my own mind so that I can experience it because it's there all of the time. But I just I don't struggle with physical clutter. As we all know I'm very minimalist with physical things. My mind on the other hand this is my I like to think about decluttering sort of in phases right. So the first phase is like your physical home and once you have that as a good practice then you can move on to like what's happening inside your own brain. And that's where I struggle is you know like there are mornings when I can wake up and go right into like a meditation and then go for a run have a beautiful healthy breakfast. But most mornings it's like oh but also like my phone's right there and what if I just like play a game for an hour and then scroll on Instagram for an hour and then look at the rest of my day and feel like I'm already behind. I just wasted so much time so much mental space. It didn't do anything for my life and it just it's not setting me up for what it is that I want to feel. You know whereas if I had just even taken the dogs for a walk or done anything outside that would have brought me more joy. So I don't know I guess what are like that's such an interesting thing like if we know like you know what would create calm for you. But we deliberately choose to make these decisions that are like not bringing that into our life.

BM: I think it has to do with discipline. I know…

EE: Ugh. If there's a word that was like the opposite of joy.

BM: But you need it. I totally agree. But with with all of these things that we want to accomplish like we have to do the work right they don't just fall into our laps.

EE: Of course. Can we call it something? Let's call it practice. Or something other than discipline.

BM: Yes we can call it practice. You know like figuring out the habit like creating the yeah yeah the process so that we can get what we need out of that.

EE: Where do you feel like you are in the process of creating that routine for feeling calm, at least once a day?

BM: I'm getting better. And I hate to I hate to sound cliché but like the weather is helping, right? We've had just this horrible stormy gray Los Angeles winter. 

EE: How dare you.

BM: It reminded me so much of Seattle you know where we're both from…

EE: … which is my dream climate.

BM: Right right. And it was, it was heavy. It was heavy for a lot of people in a lot of different ways. And I found if I woke up and I opened my eyes to a gray sky I was like yoga pants, I don't want to do anything. It was easier to get work done. But it was it was demotivating. And then since we started having our blue skies again and these you know 70-80 degree days I wake up to a blue sky and I'm like dog walk. I'm gonna make my green juice. I'm gonna like do this stuff and it starts the ball rolling in that which we shall not call discipline. But like it gets me up and out and and then I have some things to cross off my list first thing in the day you know and that's exciting and it's it's like I have to be busy to find calm but it's I'm productive right in the best ways possible. And I'm starting to shape and create that life you know that you always talk about ,creating the life you love. Yeah so so I'm inspired by by having a sunny sky. It can be 30 degrees. It can be 80 degrees. Like it's not about the temps. It's just about like that brightness that that starts the day. And you know we can't blame it on the weather. We have to we have to be able to motivate ourselves outside of that. But…

EE: So what do you do? What's a way to get up and have that same feeling in the dead of winter for you? For me I wake up and I see rain and I'm like yeah, it's my favorite day of the year. I'm just so constantly hot. I'm over it. You know yeah. I love cold weather. I love cold weather clothes. I love a dark moody day. I feel like it matches my insides.

BM: That's not true, is it?

EE: No but it's cozy. I think that's what it is. I love coziness. I love blankets. I love being at home. I love creating. Because that's calming to me. Right? Like it's when I have an overcast day instead of thinking like how much can I get done today. It reminds me I guess of like how can I calm down unwind. Like I should light a candle. I should cozy up with a book and a blanket. And I don't need more reasons to be productive, you know? I need reasons to sit and chill. 

BM: I could learn from you on that. For me a gloomy day means I can't go outside. I have to be outside to stay grounded. I hike or garden or go to the beach or just I will sit outside and watch the birds and the bees literally buzz around my yard. I can't do that when it's blustery and wet and windy and gray. And that chips away at what I need. But I love what you're talking about. I wish I could bring more of that in for those dark days.

EE: I wonder if you can do like inside gardening or cooking. I don't know. Can you do something with like herbs in your kitchen?

BM: For sure. It's not the same though.

EE: Its just not for you.

 BM: I've got so many house plants, you know? And I definitely do work to bring that stuff indoors. But I don't know. Outside is my happy place.

EE: I think one of the things that I love so much about you is you have such a varied -- like so many different interests. But you also are so great at pursuing them in a meaningful way.

BM: Thank you for saying that.

EE: Like when you said gardening, I was like, oh yeah, she's like a Master Gardener for Los Angeles County, which is wild. Like I didn't know that this was even a thing. But you took a passion and a knowledge and an interest of plants and gardens and then you like went and did this intense training. And now you volunteer. Like just tell us a little bit more about that. Because it's so cool.

BM: Sure. And thank you for saying that. That's really nice. Yeah. So I wanted to be a master gardener since I first found out about it when I was 21 years old. When I was living up in Seattle, I had bought my first house with my ex-husband and I was doing a bunch of gardening and a neighbor across the street came over and was like asking some questions and she she said in a whisper and this like inspired me for life. She goes, did you know that I can't remember the woman's name? A woman who lived on the corner. She goes, she's a master gardener. And she whispered it like it was like she was a sorceress. And I was like, what is a master gardener? Right. And for like 20 years, I had to say it in a whisper because I had no idea what this thing was. But what it is is any county, every county in America has these programs that are done through the extensions at the colleges and universities. So UC does ours here in LA County. But originally, I thought it was going to be a master gardener for King County up in Washington. And there is a lot of training involved. It's a 13-week class. The book's like a kajillion pages. It's literally three inches thick. And you you learn about vegetable gardening, sustainability, soil, water. And you get certified and once certified, you go out into the community, into libraries, schools, food deserts, inner city. And you commit to volunteering 50 hours a year to teach about food gardening in these places. And so I get to work in Altadena and now Alhambra. And I work with the community gardens and most recently and and dearest to my heart is working with the children's program at the Altadena library. I host quarterly workshops where all these little kids come in, they're like age 2 to 10 and we completely redo the community garden there. We harvest, we till soil, we replant, we talk about like how to eat these things, which I think is just so fun. Like kids love chard. Like when we were growing up, you know, the whole thing about Brussels sprouts or peas or broccoli bean, gross, is not really a thing in these circles, which is really fun. Kids love to play with the bugs and the worms. And we talk about pollination and the value of why those insects are needed and composting. I can think, this the whole another podcast episode to talk about gardening. 

EE: So interesting to me and so much of what you're saying there, it's so in line with composed living's values of sustainability, of giving back to the community. For me, like education and constant personal development is such a like, core tenant of my being and like, what's important to me. And so I love that you're doing this on so many levels, like you're bettering yourself, you're bettering your community. We as an organization have volunteered with Upward Bound House in the past, they have a farm that is in Santa Monica, and you can go volunteer to like plant new vegetables or reap the harvest. But they grow the food there and they use it in the food banks or to support the people that live in their transitional housing programs. And they also teach them like how to cook with the healthy food or they bring those people in to help, you know, plant new vegetables or harvest the vegetables and they do a lot of education. And it's so cool. Right? Like it's just, I love that there are people who are devoting their time to, to making this full circle thing, you know?

BM: It's so important to know where your food comes from. And I know that that sounds like…

EE: …that's a whole other topic

BM: …super granola or whatever, but it got so trendy during the pandemic too. And there were these victory gardens that everybody was planting in their yards because food was literally, you couldn't have access to the grocery store, right? How bizarre is that in this modern day? But it does give you kind of that sense of empowerment. Like if you can grow your own food, you can feed your family, you can give back, like you're saying to community. And I love that these organizations not only grow and harvest with you, but they teach you how to cook it, right? So because there's a lot of ways to do vegetables wrong. Right?

EE: My mom’s Brussels sprouts in the 90’s. Boiled. No, just a boiled sprout. I mean, they're kind of great. It was like a weird sassy little cabbage.

BM: Yeah, sassy cabbage is a good game for it. I love that. 

EE: I have always loved all that shovels, but I think my mom was also ahead of her time when she was raising us. Like we did compost all of our food. It's like a joke in our household that this is like why my parents are divorced now because my dad bought her the world's largest composting machine for an anniversary present. I mean, it was a barrel that was probably six feet in diameter with this massive hand crank.

BM: That's a big one. She could fall inside!

EE: My mom's like five feet tall. It was this huge structure. And the only place to put it was on the side yard. So it's like what I saw out of my bedroom window.

BM: Oh Fantastic.

EE: We don't live on a farm, you know? Like we live in a town and we have a small plot of where we don't need this industrial composting machine. Anyway, they divorce shortly after. So obviously, this is because of composting.

BM: And your dad lives on a farm now. 

EE:  Now he lives on a farm and now his wife would have loved that gift.

BM: He learned his lesson, he’s probably never buy a composter again.

EE: No, she would truly love it. That would be like such a sign of the health of their marriage. But yeah, we grew up, you know, all of our house chores were like outside stuff like weaving in the garden or planting things. Or my mom taught us about like introducing ladybugs into the garden or the importance of bees and all of these things. So I think I have the same love. I just don't have the same green thumb. But that's why I have you!

BM: Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I'm happy to have you to garden next to you anytime.

EE: Oh, it's so fun. And again, just the sustainability factor of what you're doing in teaching kids that from an early age, I think is so special because what a dream. If kids could grow up understanding where their food comes from, like think about that does to how they treat the planet and food and food waste. It's just a whole different level of appreciation. Just so cool.

BM: For sure. To see them get so excited is fun. They love roly polys.

EE: Oh, they're so cute. I still love just like touching them and making them go into a little ball. This is going to be the weirdest episode ever for anyone to listen to. And be like, what are you even talking about? Roly polys, but everyone gets it. 

BM: I grew up calling on potato bugs. Nobody calls on that anymore.

EE: Are those what they're supposed to be called?

BM: I Googled it once and it got lost into the brain nether.

EE: Is roly poly the official name?

BM: I don't know the official name. I think potato bug is a different bug though.

EE: Yeah. Gross. I'm not going to talk about any more bugs. I have an appreciation of them in a garden.

BM: Yeah. We’ll let them stay in the garden.

EE: One of the other things, I mean also you do quilting, which I think is so cool. And again, the sustainability piece of that like repurposing fabrics, scraps and things and turning them into something that's beautiful and tells the story. I think is so cool.

BM: Thank you. I have to laugh. I'm a super hobbyist. I have so many hobbies. I feel like I need to cut them. My calm would come from having less hobbies, I think. Because my house is brimming with hobby supplies. And I always think about you and the times you've helped me organize and I feel like I undo it as fast as it gets done. And it's a terrible habit, but there's literally fabric taking over my dining room right now from my Project Linus projects. But my goal is to get it all sewn and out the door. And as fast as you can get fabric out, people seem to know, oh my gosh, there's been like a notification that you don't have enough fabric, here's four bags more fabric. And it's a never ending cycle. But there is a lot of sustainability and reuse in fabric. And I feel like needs to go somewhere.

EE: You could also just say, that's so sweet of you to think of me. I'm not currently accepting more fabric donations. But I'd be happy to guide you. For somebody who is.

BM: Yes. No, you're right. You're right. Again, discipline. I need more discipline in that being able to even just say no. Or I need to put blinders on because fabric is so beautiful. There's so many patterns and colors. And I'm like, oh, in my head, it's like thought bubbles of this next blanket I'm gonna make. Or, oh, I could use, I could make a kajillion things, right?

EE: Yeah. But we also only have, you know, seven days in every week and a finite number of hours. And square footage…

BM: And square footage.

EE: But I feel you, it's, it's very tricky to not want to accumulate beautiful things or things that are interesting to you. And I think that's why when I talk about like organization or minimalism, it truly is a daily practice. And it's the habit of saying no, or saying, you know, I think Marie Condo talks about finding joy or sparking joy, I think in the sense of like eliminating things. But if you translate that into like, how do I prevent anything from coming into my life, then it's like, that's a beautiful piece of fabric. In this moment, I'm appreciating its beauty. And I'm so thankful that it exists on this planet for my eyeballs to enjoy for this fleeting moment in time. And I don't need that to come live with me.

BM: You're, you touch on something that I think probably a lot of people can relate to. But there's this contradiction of, at least for me, I want to live in a space I don't have to think. It's, I want some days I walk into my house and I'm like, everything out of here, I don't care. We don't need the coffee maker anymore. We don't need towels, whatever, get up, get rid of it. Yet, if my house were spare, I would feel so sad.

EE: Yeah, right. It's a balance. I mean, our house is not empty, for sure. Like we have, I think, you know, a good, a good amount of stuff that's usually on display for me also, like I love books, I love reading, I have a very hard time letting go of them unless they were terrible then it's very easy to do. To the point where for Christmas, Chad got me a little free library, you know, because like I just, I have to have a physical book. I love holding it, feeling it, like the experience of reading in that way. But I just can't keep every single book I've ever read. And so I wanted to be able to share those. Plus I think the little free libraries are just so cute and I'm going to start, like I'm going to paint it to match our house. So it's like… 

BM: I love this I would love to see it with a wood door with a little iron. Yes.

EE: What is that? It's called a speakeasy. I learned when it's our front door, we have a new front door and it has one of those little like princess latches where you can like open a tiny door and peek outside. And it's called a speakeasy, which I think is so cute. 

BM: I like this.

EE: That might be too crafty for me to make a tiny replica. But I will try. I can at least paint one on.

BM: There you go.

EE: You also, so I know you love being outside. We've talked about this and you love a good sunny day. Can we talk about Sunday Beach Club and why that got started? And maybe how that is contributing or playing a part in this quest to find some calm?

BM: For sure. For sure. So Sunday Beach Club is my new baby. I'm a serial entrepreneur. I come up with, or I tend to come up with brands and businesses for the last 10 years. And I have a very strong passion for being at the beach. It's you know, being raised in the Pacific Northwest, water was all around us. My parents or my grandparents had a house in Westport, which was on the Pacific Ocean. And so in the beginning, it was like summers away, but there was always beach presence growing up. And in 2017, I relocated from Seattle to Los Angeles with my kids. And we moved to Pasadena. We moved to Sierra Madre, neighbors to Pasadena. And there's no beach. There's this misconception that Southern California is just a big beach. Los Angeles is just a beach. This couldn't be further from the truth. And then when you move here, you're like, that is a big commitment to go to the beach. It's like, an hour and a half to get there. So we wanted to, I wanted to show the kids and have this beach experience, even though we didn't live near the beach. So we figured out that Sundays were the day of no traffic. And we would go to Dana Point in Orange County every Sunday. And we would just spend a day there. Cell phones don't have a reception. We pack up a cooler, umbrellas, toys, boogie boards, wetsuits, any, you name it. The car was like chock full and we would go. And it got to be this routine where every Sunday we would go and we enjoyed it so much. We would spend hours there without even realizing it. And we started just jokingly calling it Sunday Beach Club. And I always talked about one of these days, I'm gonna make hoodies or I'm gonna make t-shirts. And it's just a philosophy. And we talked about how anyone who would come with us on Sunday would get a t-shirt just for being part of the crew. Like it's just fun. You have to earn it, right? Because it's good walk down some steps and you're carrying some things. But it was just something we kind of always talked about. And it just really stuck. So every Sunday between May and October is like when we would commit to go. And mostly Dana Point, we like the Strands and Salt Creek beaches. My kids have done lifeguarding classes and sailing classes and all sorts of things down there. But then we switched it up to start going to Malibu's Leo Carrillo because they have a dog friendly beach. And my dog is a fanatic for the beach. So yeah, he's a Boston Terrier… and he’s 6

EE: …and he's got his own Instagram.

BM: He does. He does have his own Instagram. Yes. He's a great companion. So as my kids have gotten older, my daughter works sometimes, my son wants to sleep in. They don't always want to go to the beach. But I'm going to the beach and Dutch is always with me. So we go to Malibu

now. But the concept has just grown legs in it. We always talk even if the kids can't be there

they talk about when they can get there. Who's going to go to Sunday Beach Club with us this summer? And I finally just like sat down at my computer and got into the graphics and decided I'm going to make I'm going to make this a reality. And I did the design work. I bought the URL SundayBeachClub.com and I'm going to launch it. And it's just going to be just basic, you know, t-shirts and hats and and totes. But just to share the philosophy. And I've had people ask like, well, how do you become a member of the club? Is it a subscription service? I'm like, no,

you just show up. Just be at the beach on a Sunday. You don't have to buy a t-shirt. But just show up. And what we found is that it's just so restorative. It's so relaxing. It's a way to completely disconnect from what's happening every day. I talk a lot about Wallace Nichols' book called Blue Mind. And he writes very scientifically about how because we're made of water, we gravitate towards water and how it really can fulfill us. And it's a great read. I highly recommend it. But ever since learning about kind of the science behind it, it's just felt so validating like it’s not just me wanting to hang out at the beach. You know, like there's people that that can get behind this. And so I just want to share it. I think that Sunday Beach Club will provide a platform for people to just lean in.

EE: I love that. I know I have that same, you know, if I could just live at the ocean, I absolutely would. For me, at the moment, we even see the beach, it's like my whole body just calms down immediately. I love being by the water, any kind of water. For me, it's really like the ocean specifically. Chad loves being on a lake specifically. I think maybe he likes boats, water. But it's such a good reminder of the vastness of the world around us, right? And I think for me, that's the mental health care piece of it is removing yourself from the hyper focus on what your problems are in your day to day life and just sitting and being in awe and having this profound gratitude for the fact that we get to live on this planet and have this experience and seeing this huge body of water that houses an entire other universe of life below it, which is mind blowing on its own, but also that it's controlled by the moon and the sun. All of these things, it feels overwhelming to me in the best way, in somehow the most peaceful way. And I could just do that all day every day. But also living in Los Angeles, I totally agree. There's so many times that I forget that we live at the beach.

BM: Asterisk

EE: …You have to go out of your way. Unless you're one of the lucky few who can see the ocean from your house, it feels like a big adventure. You're driving for an hour through traffic and then fighting for parking. And then when you get there, there's going to be someone who brought a boombox…

BM: Yep, this is all real.

EE: …not cool. They don't have the same profound gratitude for the ocean and the sun.

BM: No, I know, I know. Yeah, a boombox in nature is its own, there's a lot of controversy, like, that's a hot button topic. 

EE: Oh yeah, I am not into it. But also, I'm the one who's constantly trying to find joyful moments. And maybe those people have it all figured out because they brought their boombox to the beach.

BM: Yes, that could be, that could be.

EE: Thank you so much for sharing all, well, not even all of your hobbies. I think we're the touch of three of your hobbies. But this is what I mean when like, I think that you're just one of the most creative, interesting people, because there's so many fun things that you do. And you always have these wonderful ideas. But then you actually like put them into motion and turn them into something that other people can enjoy and learn from as well, which is a very rare thing to find in people.

BM: That's so nice. Thank you.

EE: Thank you. Is there anything that you feel like you're struggling with on your path to finding calm other than like, we'll kind of talk to a little bit about, you know, being too busy or having too many choices, bad weather?

BM: I mean, I have a lot to be grateful for. I've got beautiful kids. I'm fortunate enough to have amazing friends. I have good work. I get to live in a beautiful place. And I think like a lot of people, you know, the biggest challenges sometimes are time and financial commitments. And, you know, we live in a fast-paced time. I'm a single mom. So, you know, it's not like the time doesn't exist or the money doesn't exist. But how to prioritize your responsibilities, right? I would love to be able to spend all my excess time and dollars on, you know, flushing out new brands. But dogs got to go to the vet, daughter needs braces, you know, like life happens. And so I think it's always a juggling act of how and when do you lean into the things for self-care or the things for self-satisfaction or your goals and your dreams. And also balance the responsibilities and the commitments that you have. I haven't figured it out.

EE: I'm not sure that many people have, to be honest. I think that's a pretty universal quest, you know, especially, you know, in the year, whatever year we're in, 2023.

BM: Yeah.

EE: We do so much and we're expected to do so much and know and learn and grow and nurture. Like, it's, you know, we used to, I feel like just be one thing. And for better or worse, like humans have realized their potential. And with that comes so much more of everything. It's more pressure to live up to your potential or to even like find it. Like, what is my purpose in living on this planet? And what am I here to do? Like that on its own is so much pressure. And then how do you fulfill that while also being a good person and being healthy and having a morning routine and a nighttime routine and a job and kids. And then like you also have to find your soulmate and then have a nurturing, wonderful, loving relationship.

BM: and post it all on Instagram.

EE: All I have time to do is like play a game on my phone for an hour. Then scroll through Instagram. But it really, it's, it's a lot. It can be a lot if we make it a lot. But I think also maybe it can be as simple as, you know, a day spent at the beach with your two teenagers and no cell phones.

BM: Yeah, absolutely. Recently, I've been reading about the four types of health that we need. We need spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. And on paper, it's like, oh, yeah, cool. 25, 25, 25, 25 percent. I feel like I can get at any one time I've got three nailed. And one is just falling right off the plate. Like, it's, it's a constant juggling act, you know, and again, yeah, it's

EE: What three do you feel like are in really good balance right now?

BM: Mental is in good balance at the moment. My physical is okay. My, oh, it’s a tie, I think maybe I've got like…

EE: What was it mental, physical, spiritual, emotional?

BM: My spiritual, emotional, they can use some brushing up. You know, it's, man, I read a lot. And sometimes I feel like the more you read, the more responsibility you put on yourself to figure it out. Right?

EE: Yeah.

BM: It's like, well, the answers are right here. I should be able to have this all in line. But it just doesn't, my reality hasn't worked that way. And you can't really splice up your day into four equal parts and dish out what you need for each of these four pillars, you know. 

EE: That would take an incredible amount of discipline and practice.

BM: Yeah. Yeah. It totally does.

EE: I wonder what that even looks like. Like 25% of your day is focused on emotional well-being and 25 on physical.  Although some of those overlap, I feel like sleep is good for so many of those physical health, mental health, maybe emotional health. If you're having a bad day, sleep it off. I just love sleep.

BM: Oh, I love sleep too.

EE:  The benefits of taking a nap. Yeah. I think maybe, yeah, maybe I don't even have three in balance right now.

BM: It's tricky, right? And I don't feel like it would be possible to divide your day into four parts. I mean, you know, take like a traditional idea of spirituality, you know, people go to church one day a week or something like that. You know, that's not 25% of your life. But maybe that's all you need for that to be fulfilled. I don't know.

EE: I think also, if you get to a place where, you know, like with physical health, sometimes it requires more from you and other times you can maintain. And so maybe the balance is not that it's this perfect division equally, but that some things can maintain for a while on autopilot because something else has become more important or because you already invested the time into making that better. I went through a lot of mental health struggles in my 20s. Well, 10s, teens and 20s, my whole life until my 20s. And it became the thing that everything else had to be put on hold because it was so emergent that it needed to have 100% of my attention or else nothing else would have existed anyway. And so I spent the next decade doing everything I could to make sure that my mental health was solid and I felt solid. And so it didn't become as much of a focus for me over the last 20 years. I'm not that old, 15 years. And now for the first time in a very long time, I feel like that's something that feels not quite out of balance, but it's like threatening. It's like lingering on the edges, you know, where it's like, if you continue to not pay attention to me any longer, I'm going to become a problem for you.

BM: For sure.

EE: And you know, that's terrifying. If anyone has ever gone through, you know, severe depression or anxiety or any of these things, you don't really want that like hovering. I think also like physical health, same. Like, I mean, at this point, I'm like, I've gained 40 pounds over the last 10 years. So it's not like all at once, but incrementally. And all that says to me is like, whatever it's, it's not about the number or the weight on a scale, but it's where has my priorities, like what have I been focused on? So clearly, it's not on exercising every day or on what I'm eating. And I think it's because my mind shifted to, you know, emotional well-being and I became very focused on like, what is it that I'm supposed to be doing with my life? Like, I'm running out of time. I need to know what my purpose is on this planet and devote all of my time and energy to making sure that that dream comes true. And a part of that was launching this company and growing it and meeting clients and helping people and and focusing on all of those things. And it didn't, I don't think I realized what was happening to me until this last year when anyone who's been around me for five minutes knows that like, you know, I've been quite miserable, not like unbearably miserable, but it's like, it's not me anymore. And it feels so off balance. And so just it's strange, I guess. So I love that you brought up this topic because it's, it's such a big one. And it's also like, you know, now I find myself in a place where I can no longer only focus on one of those aspects of well-being. And it truly needs to be spread more equally across the four. I can't just like, no longer focus on running a business or doing these things that are like fulfilling that part of my life. But I have to put it in balance with taking care of my physical being, my mental well-being, and like, not being so focused on on what I can do that's going to help other people.

BM: I think what gets confusing or maybe gets in the way also, at least it has for me, is we put all of this pressure on us to fix our mental health or keep track of our mental health. What is that? Like, let's unpack what mental health is. And in the context of what I've been reading, like mental health is staying stimulated, continually learning, reading, but it's not, it's not the illnesses, the mental health illnesses that we often associate with mental health when we throw this around. It's starting a new business, starting a retail space, you know, launching different concepts, ideas, it could be, you know, anything to sharpen your mental space and physical well-being similarly, it's not just, did you get to the gym? Did you get your 30 minutes in today? It's, have you had your eyes checked? How's your, how's your skin? You know, have you, are you drinking water? Are you, you know, it's bigger than I think what we, what we've been trained or maybe with the media is always just kind of stamping it with, like, just because, I don't know, you don't 30 minutes a day of fitness is not going to nail your physical health.

EE: And it's also, it totally is so individually specific.

BM: Absolutely.

EE: Like Chad tells himself, I'm going to lose 10 pounds. And then he's like, I did it. Yeah, I'm like, you were literally just sitting here having a cocktail. How did you do that? And his body just responds so quickly. Yeah. And I require a lot more work, like physical work in order to feel strong.

BM: Sure, sure I think that you're absolutely not alone. And there's almost a disservice out there. Like we're not, we're not really like picking apart what these things actually mean for us as humans. Yeah, it's they're buzzwords, you know.

EE: I mean, for me, like my, I don't mind the level of anxiety that I experience on a daily basis. I think it's, it's not something that disrupts my life. Yeah, it's more something that I've come to appreciate as like it's a part of my nature. It's a part of my driving force to want to do better and be better. And I look at it in that, in that way. But I also, that doesn't mean that that's how other people experience anxiety. But that's what it feels like for me. And physical health for me means feeling strong and feeling like I'm not out of breath if I'm going for a walk with the dogs, or, you know, if we go for a hike that I can keep up with everyone and that I have energy to get through every day and I feel healthy. I think the best example of how I've spent the last year has been like, what can I do to make life easier? And so the part it's like, we'll order postmates, right? No offense postmates, you're a wonderful service. And I'm sure I could have also postmated something healthy. I didn't do that. And that's not on you. That's on me. But it was like, I don't want to feel burnt out. So I'm not going to cook. I'm going to say no to this responsibility. I'm going to order something that is fast and easy. And I'm not going to worry about the repercussions of that. And so then we'll order like del taco. And I can't just be the person who has one taco. It's like, well, if we're getting del taco, I may as well get seven and also throw in a bean and cheese burrito. And then also add extra cheese because that's what makes it good. And then we sit on the couch and watch TV for like 4 hours. And so if you're doing that, like that might be wonderful for my mood in the moment. And sometimes that truly is like what your soul needs to just fully decompress and have like this experience. But over and over and over again is like, that's where I just stopped thinking at all about what is this actually doing to me physically? And how is this going to come back in like a truly unhealthy way later?

BM: I totally get it. And do you ever feel, I'm guilty of this. I always just tell myself, well, you've earned this. You deserve this.

 EE: Like, it's like, what do I deserve? I deserve to feed my body trash like a full lack of nutrients. It's such a weird, gross way of thinking to be like, you deserve to treat yourself poorly. And like you don't what you deserve is a beautiful salad.

BM: Yes. Like, yes, you do.

EE: All the colors and all the nutrients and you deserve to feel wonderful and taken care of.

BM: I fall into this with McDonald's. I go to McDonald's like twice a year. But when I go to McDonald's, it is like I go to McDonald's. I'm like, I'm just going to get a hot fudge sundae plus a Big Mac plus throw in a chicken nugget Happy Meal plus like, I'll take it at breakfast burrito.

EE: That’s hilarious. And then I'm like, sometimes it is good.

BM: And it's like, I deserve, but then I can't. Also no offense to McDonald's, but I feel like crap. I feel like 10 minutes in…Why have I done this to myself?

EE: We've really gone down a rabbit hole now, but I swear it ties into the four tenants of overall well-being.

BM: Yeah. And we really are. And we're all back composed living like, you know, to compose your living is to, to, to, yes, to make a day. Also to build the life you love, create the life you love. And how are we doing it on a daily basis? I mean, we can do, maybe it's not a daily basis oversight we need, maybe it's like a weekly or we check in every two weeks or we check in monthly. And who, who do we, how do we stay accountable? You keep me accountable because I get to talk with you at least once a week. And that's amazing. But not everybody has…you.

EE: Who’s going to keep me accountable?

BM: Well, I will keep you accountable. But what about like, you know, the people who don't have somebody to keep them accountable?

EE: Chad keeps me accountable.

BM: Like, what are the resources or what are the what's available to them?

EE: I mean, hopefully we are. I like to think that we're available at least on Instagram for everyone to get a little daily dose of some inspiration or some reminders of, you know, things that are universally more important, like focusing on yourself and making sure that you are feeling the way you want to be feeling and that you've created a life for yourself that, that is in line with your values and that supports how you want to be in the world. I think books can do that for people. You're really good at making new friends. I'm more introverted and it's harder for me to go out and meet strangers. But, you know, there's meetup groups.

BM: I love meetup. 

EE: There's all sorts of meetup, all sorts of things that people can do. I know that's kind of how we met. You emailed a group of people.

BM: That’s right, Female Founders Collective.

EE: …Does anyone want to be friends? I was like, I do. Can we meet and have mimosas? Love at first sight.

BM: Match made in heaven. Yes, we shall all be so lucky.

EE: Thank you so much for chatting with me today.

BM: Of course. Always a delight.

EE: I'm so fortunate that I get to talk to, you know, also as a friend and then also because you do all of our marketing and everything. Basically, it's like, how many more ways can I integrate you into my life so that we can spend all of our time together?

BM: I love it. It's been such a joy. I think it's been a fortunate run, I'm having a blast.

EE: Me too.

BM: And there's so much on the horizon for you and with Compose Living. And we didn't even talk about Composed Giving. Again, we need a sequel.

EE: You heard it here first. What's Composed Giving? I don't know. More to come. Stay tuned. All right, we'll talk to you soon. And thank you again.

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Thanks for spending time with us today. We hope you enjoyed our chat with Brie. I know I did.

Follow her on Instagram at @stateofbrie to learn more about advisory house design, Sunday Beach Club, or even the master gardening program. We've included all the links and resources in the show notes. You can find more episodes at ComposedLiving.com/podcast as well as on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you enjoy your favorite podcasts. If you liked this episode, please like, subscribe, and share it with others. Your support means so much to us, and it really helps our small business grow. We truly appreciate you taking the time to rate and review. Thanks again. We'll see you next time.